guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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