i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm always down for nudity.
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