if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My underwear smells like fireworks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
