Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My vagina just recognized that song.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
