Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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