I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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