All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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