ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
