just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
