I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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