if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
