I cannot find my penis.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
