My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
