I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize