Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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