I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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