I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
