mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
