I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
