so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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