but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
