hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
