They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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