Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
