im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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