I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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