pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
