you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
