Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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