That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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