Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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