So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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