did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
