Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
