I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
