U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
