The maid of honor just puked.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if only i could text you this smell
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
