11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
