Someone shit on the floor
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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