my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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