DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
