I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
