it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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