i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize