Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
