I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
