whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
