Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
