why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize