You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
