So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
