i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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