I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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