Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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