So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
