You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
