yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
