The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize