im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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