ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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