Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
