so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
