she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize