Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she smelled like a LAN party
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
