5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
