i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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