She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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