Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
