She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
