She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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