no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
