Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
