i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
