If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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